Hakomi is primarily concerned with the curious exploration of different states of mind, and thus the workshops are 90% experiential. Shorter and longer exercises alternate with reflection and sharing. In Hakomi workshops, there is no compulsion to actively participate in everything, it is ok to give up some exercises, and just linger or sleep. The workshops are characterized by a slow pace and a meditative atmosphere.
Sessions always begin with exercises that cultivate a state called loving presence. It is a way of being with ourselves and with others, where we intentionally pay attention to what inspires, supports and nourishes us in another person. In the Hakomi workshop, the practices of loving presence quickly create a safe and loving atmosphere. A feeling of relaxation, calmness and even fatigue may occur as the defenses we apply in normal life are no longer necessary.
In the workshop, almost all exercises are done in pairs or small groups. Yet the focus is on exploring one’s own experience. It is like going on an inner journey, not led by others, but supported and acknowledged by their presence. What feelings, bodily sensations and thoughts do I have when I hear a statement; or if I change my body position; or when someone takes over the tension in my body and holds it for me. There are countless different small exercises and experiments in Hakomi that aim to mindfully notice the habits we have in our daily lives that can bring us suffering instead of well-being.
As a result of exercises and experiments, by examining our bodily experience, we can therefore discover beliefs and attitudes of which we were not aware at the level of the mind. Another important goal is to experience something that we have missed out because of these beliefs. Hakomi is very accurate here. In the exercises, we take our time so that the experience we receive hits exactly the delicate spot. For example, we can instruct others to say our name with the correct emphasis, tone, and volume; or to feel which touch – in which spot, with which pressure and extent – feels just the right one; or what message fills and invigorates us emotionally.
As a result of the practices, we can experience satisfaction and fulfillment, but sometimes sadness and grief that our emotional needs have not been met. Since personal material is being worked with and all learning is experiential, it can be subjectively difficult. As the sessions take place in a group, there may be reactions towards group mates. For the most part, they are material that can be worked with in the Hakomi way, using one’s own reactions as indicators of the underlying beliefs. For larger issues or conflicts, Hakomi Education Network has developed an ethical framework that provides options and guidance for lovingly resolve strong reactions between people.
The state of loving presence is not reserved only for Hakomi workshop. We can take it with us and practice it in different situations in life. As humans, we regulate each other’s nervous systems through neural resonance. If even one party is able to see what is good and right in the other, it has a supportive and opening effect on that person, which in turn opens up the first person and thus a circle of positive feedback loop starts.
Peacemaking practices in human relationships are very important in today’s world. The unique contribution of the Hakomi method is to reveal how interconnected we are and how much we influence each other. Hakomi teaches how to influence each other so that the result is a benevolent space of togetherness.